“How Can I Put Myself In Someone Else’s Shoes When I Have Trouble Getting My Own To Fit?” That has been the quote that has stuck with me my entire adult life. I figured that I can barely manage my own life, situations, and ideas… how can I deal with someone else’s? Much less manage a meaningful connection with someone. I just don’t have the time or energy to make something like that work. And even if I did, how can someone possibly be willing to put up with the one woman circus that is my existence? And so I was happy in my solitude. As happy as someone like me could be. Never letting anyone see me for what I am. What even I have yet to see.
And then he came. I don’t know where the lines are shifting, but they are. Somewhere between random comments on a web page, to messages between strangers. As the weeks passed a bond slowly formed. Something neither of us knew or were even ready for. Until the day came when I was ready to see him face to face, and what I saw I could not stop coming back to. I can honestly say that he is my safest place to be. So maybe the answer is in this wonderful person I see staring back at me most days? I never knew someone like that existed…
Maybe when I stop trying to get my own shoes to fit, or even put myself in someone else’s, I can find the answer to all that I have been trying to find. I am myself when I am with him, whatever that is. And I’m alright with it. Things make sense. Or at least aren’t so cluttered. I feel almost normal, at least half of the time. And even when I’m not, I can smile about it. We can fall on each other and relax a bit. Comfortable knowing that there is at least one person on this fucking planet that understands what it’s like to be like we are. And life continues.
